Hi there,
In the previous post I told you how Mar and Val’s house was and now I am going to tell you how the exchange with them started.
This couple contacted us in the summer of 2023. I sent them the video of my house that was on YouTube showing both rooms.
As I mentioned in previous posts, we exchange only one room and one bathroom since the other room is closed with our stuff.
Mar immediately asked us to make an exception since they worked different schedules and sometimes needed to sleep in separate beds. We decided to make an exception. Big mistake.
Communications with them during those months had been cordial.
On January 27th I asked Mar if 2 sets of towels were enough, and she said yes. It should be noted that Diego and I only have 2 sets of towels each.
On February 4th they asked to make another video call to fine tune details, and they go and tell us that Mara had invited her friends from Italy to stay at our house and “if it was ok with us“.
The news caught us off base and we didn’t say no, but we had a bad feeling that something wasn’t right. Diego said that they had planned from the beginning to bring their friends in our house and that’s why they had asked for the two-bedroom exception.
When we left the house, we made up the bed in the master bedroom and left a set of extra sheets for them to organize as they wanted with the room upstairs.
Since our house can only accommodate exchanges with 2 people, all the things from our room, we put them in the downstairs room (mirror, nightstands, etc.). In addition, we bought 2 pillows for them, and our 2 pillows were kept. In other words, there were only 2 pillows in the house.
Logically, I was not going to leave extra things for these friends that they intended to bring into my house since I had not invited them. The logical thing to do was for them to take care of what their guests might be missing.
We arrived at their house and there was not even a cordial welcome message or to ask how we had spent the first night or anything. Cordiality and friendliness we did have with Heidi.
The day they arrived at our house, we woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning to be attentive to the security cameras and make sure they had no problem entering the house. A gesture that they were never grateful for.
As soon as we saw them come in, we sent them welcome messages and warned them to empty the dehumidifier compartment which would be full since it had been 5 days since we had left.
We had put the stoves away since the beginning of February and considering the extreme heat in Narrabeen’s house, we thought that they would probably be a bit cold and told them to put the stoves on.
It should also be noted that I had left them notes in the house explaining some of the things and one of them is that since the water in the house was cut off and since the heater had been off for 5 days, there would probably be no hot water and that they would have to wait an hour for the water to heat up.
They responded an hour later saying that it was cold and asking how long it would take for the water to heat up, information they had on the note that was attached to the heater.
Almost immediately Val also asked for “confirmation” that there was only one set of sheets.
I told him that no, there was an extra set in the closet; that is, there were 2 sets of sheets in total.
From there they started complaining that since we didn’t have a dryer (which they knew perfectly well), they needed another set of sheets and 2 more sets of towels. In other words, they wanted to have 3 sets of towels per person.
I told them that I didn’t understand how they wanted more towels if on January 27th she had told me that 2 sets were enough. She replied that she had forgotten that we did not have a dryer, which was neither my fault nor my problem.
I offered to buy whatever they needed, hoping they would tell me that it was not necessary, that they would buy it themselves. But no, they were not going to lift a finger.
I asked her how she had slept to try to be pleasant and she responded again complaining about the cold, the humidity, the rain, and my “heating system”.
The manner and tone of her messages were bothering me a lot. They could say the same by being cordial and friendly.
Here Diego was reminded again and again of Heidi’s friendliness and kindness. Even though she didn’t clean for a month and trashed our house, she almost looked good after the attitude of these two individuals.
As we saw that the mental exhaustion they had generated in less than 24 hours was just a sample of the hell that could be the next 3 months, I decided to contact Home Exchange customer service and at the same time send them a message on the platform:
“Hello Mar and Val.
I am writing to you here because we are very sad about the situation in which we find ourselves.
When you did not even have 24 hours in the house, You have already expressed a deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness to be in our house.
The moment you arrived at the house, a kind of problem arose because 2 sets of sheets and 2 sets of towels are not enough for you 2 because of the ”strong raining”, ”the humidity level”, ”it is very cold” and the ”heating system”.
First, we deeply regret that you are not well in the house due to factors beyond our control. I think you knew perfectly well what the weather was going to be like in Porto and we have also insisted that you take the time to look at the weather forecast and see what the weather was going to be like in Porto so that you would wear the appropriate clothing.
Even so, it seems to be something that has surprised you.
You have 2 stoves/heaters in the house, and it is really hard to get cold with both stoves on, especially if you are dressed appropriately indoors.
When we first spoke to you before closing the Exchange, you asked if we could, as an exception, share both rooms and both bathrooms since you work different schedules and sometimes sleep separately.
Although it was well specified in our property description that we only shared one of the suites, we decided to make an exception for you so that you could enjoy your stay in Porto to the fullest.
When you contacted us you were fully aware that it was a house with capacity for 2 people and of which only one suite (bedroom+bathroom) was shared, as shown in the property description on the platform.
On January 27 I wrote to you by WhatsApp as I was going to IKEA to buy some things to ask if 2 sets of towels per each were enough and you said yes.
On February 4 we made a second video call and there you told us that Mar had invited her friends to our house and that ”if it was ok with us”.
Honestly this caught us off guard and we did not expect it because we would not even think of bringing people to your house other than the people who are on the Exchange and duly registered and verified on the platform.
Even so, we decided to make an exception again for your comfort and so you would have a wonderful experience. Although we didn’t like having people we don’t know sleeping in our house who are neither in the Exchange nor registered in the platform and when our house has capacity for two people only.
Since you have entered the house, this back and forth of messages with has started because you want one more set of sheets and one more set of towels per person due to the heavy rain, the strong humidity, and the cold.
I wanted to clarify the issue of towels because on January 27th, you had told me that 2 sets were enough and now Mar tells me that she had forgotten that there is no dryer in our house. And that you must use the two bedrooms and the two bathrooms.
Which is also curious to me since in your apartment you have only one bathroom and in our house, it is mandatory to use both bathrooms.
Even so, we can again make the exception and this additional expense of buying more towels and more sheets for your comfort.
But sincerely this situation has generated a psychological wear and tear and a worry that we should not be having.
If already two people in the house are so unhappy and so uncomfortable, it is not wise to bring more people to the house because the situation will only get worse, especially because it is a house with capacity for 2 people and the exchange was finalized for only 2 people.
As we do not know who these friends are, nor how many they are, nor how long you invited them to stay, nor are they registered in the exchange or on the platform, unfortunately we WILL NOT ACCEPT THE ACCESS/STAY of more people to our house.
In addition, you are already using both beds so these people have nowhere to sleep, nor will they have heating, nor will they have towels, nor will they have sheets or pillows. So, in a hotel they will be as they should be.
Again, we are sorry and very sad that you are so unhappy and uncomfortable in our home, and I hope that your mood will change when the sun comes out.
I think the beauty of home Exchange is also to adapt to the other person’s home and learn from the experience.
Since we arrived, we have had noise from the renovation works downstairs, plus traffic, plus neighbors moving in, plus neighbors cleaning their cars, etc. So, we have to keep the windows closed to try to isolate the noise and be able to work. Due to the quality of the windows, we are not able to isolate the noise 100%. Having the windows closed also adds to the heat.
Besides this, logically there are also things in your house that are not to our liking, but we don’t even think of telling you anything or creating a hostile environment for something that is beyond your control.
We are aware that there will be good and bad things, and everything is part of the experience, and we adapt to what we have without any problem.
The heating system we have for us has been more than sufficient for the two years (two winters) we have lived in Porto and in fact, our first exchange was in November when there was more rain and colder, and we had no complaints.
As you know this week the temperatures have dropped in Porto and in Europe it is still winter, so it is normal to be cold.
I hope your experience improves soon and that we can both enjoy a wonderful and peaceful exchange and make the most of what both countries have to offer.
This weekend we will order the two extra sets of towels and the extra set of sheets for your comfort, and I will inform you as to the delivery date.
Kindest regards”
At this point we were no longer worried that they would bring strangers into our house because up to that point they had not deigned to give us any more information about the supposed visit.
I told Diego that if after this message they did not lower the tone and hostility, that we would propose to cancel the home exchange. I was not going to put up with that situation for 3 months.
The truth is that if I had to go back home, I was not going to worry about it at all. While in Durham we were in love with the place from the very first moment, here we were still kind of apathetic.
The most important thing is that we had not complained about the many shortcomings of their house, and they were complaining about the weather and nonsense.
Mar and Val’s response was:
” We are a bit surprised by your lengthy defensive message, and we would like to clarify the following:
We arrived yesterday 7th March after 28 hours of traveling to find no hot water. Additionally, the bed in the main bedroom was not made, and there were no spare bed sheets. Please refer to the message dated 2/8/23 on Home Exchange, confirming that both beds would be set.
We found your home very cold and damp. No malice was intended; we are well aware of how to dress according to the weather.
We kindly expressed the above and requested a spare set of bed sheets and towels. This was all communicated politely via WhatsApp. Therefore, reading your formal message on Home Exchange was disappointing. We are surprised that the above, i.e., a request for one set of bed sheets and towels, has generated psychological wear and tear. You will be pleased to know that despite having your agreement to have our friends visit, yesterday we advised them to arrange alternate accommodation.
If you feel hot, please remember that you have access to the blind on the balcony, as well as a reverse cycle air-conditioner, which can also be used to heat when the weather becomes cooler.
Thank you for organizing an additional set of bed sheets and towels, and we hope that you enjoy your stay.”
As they did not tone down the response. We decided to offer them the option to cancel the exchange:
“Hi guys! Thank you very much for your reply.
We are very worried about your stay in our home as it is clear that you are not comfortable. Our idea is that both parties can enjoy and have a pleasant stay.
Yes, there was no hot water because the water was cut off for the security of the house that is left alone and because you arrived later than expected due to your family emergency. If you had arrived on Monday, as you had originally planned, there would have been hot water. In any case, in two hours at the most, the water heater reaches its maximum capacity.
Regarding the bed you are partly right, but in WhatsApp before your arrival I informed you that I left everything prepared in the main room since that is where you have the empty closet. And in the extra set of sheets, I left a note saying that since I didn’t know how you were going to arrange the beds, I hadn’t made the spare room bed.
Our understanding was that you would eventually sleep in separate beds, not always. A miscommunication that I don’t think is such a big deal when the bed in the main room was made and it is a bed for two people, and in addition, there were sheets to make the bed in the spare room.
You contacted us for this exchange knowing perfectly that we only exchange one of the suites and you asked for an exception when it would have been easier just to look for another property with the capacity that you needed. Anyway, we made the exception to make you feel comfortable.
On February 4th you told us that you had invited your friends to stay at our house when you knew the capacity of the house was for 2 people. Again, we decided to make an exception so that you would be comfortable.
We asked you if 2 sets of towels per person was ok, and you said yes. Now you need 3 sets per person because you forgot that we didn’t have a dryer. Even when this is not our fault, I offered to order more towels and sheets so that you would be comfortable.
I believe that from the beginning we have tried to do everything possible to make your stay in our house as pleasant and enjoyable as possible.
A house in winter in Porto and in Portugal in general that has been closed for a week is going to be damp and cold. It is unrealistic to expect the house to be warm and damp free when there is no one in the house to light the stoves and when the humidity in Porto when it rains reaches over 90%. We left the dehumidifier on, but logically at one point the water compartment filled up and stopped working until you arrived and emptied the compartment.
In order for the house to be warm I would have had to pay someone to go turn on the heaters a few hours before your arrival and empty the dehumidifier container, and unfortunately that is not a service we provide.
And remember that when we left on Sunday, you still did not know when you would arrive home due to your family emergency.
We do not have any problem with your stay at our house or with your house, but as you unfortunately do not like our house and it is clear that you are not comfortable, we are not going to force you to stay there, and we can’t spend 3 months here thinking that you are having a hard time in our house. For this reason, we offer you the possibility to cancel the Exchange and if so, as soon as we get a flight we will return to Porto.
Logically this was not our expectation and much less after such a long trip and so many months of preparation, but we feel that the tone of the messages has not been at all cordial and even more so when you have had nothing good or positive to say about our house since you arrived, which is very sad. So, we leave it up to you to decide if you want to continue with the exchange or not.”
When I contacted customer support, I told them that we were under the impression that the whole story with the sheets and towels was because she wanted me to buy sheets and towels for her friends. Which bothered me a lot.
The person who took care of us said that the help they can give is only to help you find another exchange and given the three-month duration of our stay, it was going to be practically impossible to find us another place. We were told that Home Exchange did not cover flights or accommodation and later found out that this was a lie.
We told him that, if the exchange was cancelled, we preferred to return to Porto because we did not know how our house was going to look and whether or not it would be suitable to receive other people. Besides, doing an exchange takes time, it is impossible to do it from one day to the next.
In the next post I will tell you how this story continues.