Hi there,
Today I want to tell you a little about a topic that is hard, with which I have been hitting myself all my life.
In Venezuela most people are very attached to the concept of family in the sense that everything is done and tolerated for your family. I remember that my mother went out of her way for her family, always doing favors and errands, giving money to this, buying something for the other, and what made me angry was that when she needed help, nobody would show up.
I always told her that family doesn’t deserve so many sacrifices just because we have the same blood. That’s why, when I was about 18 years old, I got upset and stopped talking to my mom’s family because it seemed to me that they didn’t value her.
I have a friend who is always bitter about problems with her family: because her parents don’t take care of themselves, because her sister has diabetes and doesn’t take care of herself, because her brother doesn’t behave well. In the end, she spends her life stressed with anxiety about things beyond her control, and she is not able to live her own life.
It is not fair that we must do favors and put up with bad things from people just because they are our family. Children cannot be babysitters for their parents and when the relationship with our family brings us unhappiness, the best thing we can do is be selfish and take another path.
I understand my friend because I’ve spent my life like this, but I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided that I can’t keep ruining my existence to fix others.
I remember that, in December of last year, talking to the nurse after one of my operations, I told her that I had not celebrated Christmas since my mother died and that, in addition, the relationship with my father was eternally bitter. She told me that her father had died and that, since then, she had cut off the relationship with her mother for the same reason. That in the end, she couldn’t let her relationship with her mother ruin her life with her husband and daughters, who were the family she had chosen. She told me that if my dad wasn’t there for me, I had to stop suffering, go my way, and try to be happy.
That’s what I’ve tried to do ever since, I try to care about myself and put myself first in everything. Me before my family, me before my partner, me before my job, me before everything.
The sadness is always there. It saddens me that my dad has chosen to leave me for a partner who is a parasite, manipulates him and does nothing but take his money, but in the end, it is what he decided. He decided to have that life that I consider to be horrible, but I cannot do more than what I have already done.
Imagine that I have been struggling with this problem for more than 20 years and trying to get him out of that hole.
I have reached a point in my life where I decided to surround myself with people who bring me only positive things. A moment in which I want to live happily, calmly and without drama. I vote for the few friends that are worthwhile, for the beautiful experiences and for living in peace. Above all, that, live in peace.
If it helps anyone, our relatives are also human beings with mistakes and flaws; they are not gods. So, we must learn to set limits to guarantee our mental health. If your family does not respect you, does not value you, does not treat you well; the best you can do is to put distance and follow your path.