Hi everybody,
During my stay in Portugal and after many strange things with tourist accommodations, I decided to make a compilation of the most absurd things that I have come across so far while traveling.
- Cleaning
For me it will always be the most important and the “absurd” thing is that for many tourist accommodations it is secondary. Apparently, many of those who manage or own these properties live in their own houses amid hair, dust and other dirt.
Even more shocking is looking like crazy every time you demand the cleaning you paid for. Something that also draws my attention a lot is that after the covid “in theory”, cleaning was improved and sanitation was even carried out, but you find the dirtiest places because people closed the accommodation due to the pandemic and then opened it to let you in, without even checking if they had to do any retouching.
In this regard, the worst experiences in terms of accommodation (or dirty hotels) were in Vietnam and Venezia.
- The moron that I met at the Airbnb of Venezia
This story is already in a previous post. In addition to the fact that the apartment was dirty, and the air conditioning never worked, the incredible thing was the treatment that the host gave me since, for him, just by renting his apartment, he was doing me a favor. As the accommodation had a discount since after the covid they were all starving, I had to assume and accept any problem that I had since the rent was “too cheap”.
I think this is the worst experience I have ever had overall and not so much because of the flaws of the accommodation but because of the attitude and lack of respect from the host.
- An apartment made for “Dutch people”
In Armação de Pêra we rented an apartment that in the photos looked wonderful. Upon arrival, we found all the possible faults: poor cleaning, vacuum cleaner that did not work, broken mop, dampness, mold on the walls, etc.
In addition, on the bed we had only the sheet that covers the mattress and two individual bedspreads. I asked the host to bring a full sheet set and a double bedspread. For me it was not normal to put two single bedspreads on a double bed.
The answer we got is that the apartment belonged to “Dutch people” and they in Holland slept with the bedspreads like that. When we told them that we had been to Netherlands and much of Northern Europe and that we had never seen such a thing, they changed the answer and said that the owner was not going to approve that expense.
Attention, a double duvet at the LIDL costs 15 euros. It cost so little to avoid a bad review. The funny thing is that that’s where the phrase “Dutch people” was left for everything and to make fun of the host every time something happened or something else failed.
- Rocío, the drunk
When we arrived at the accommodation in Quepos, we were greeted by Rocío, the mother of the guy who managed the reservations.
This lady began to explain what we could do in Quepos and always said “have a few drinks.” “I recommend this hotel to have a few drinks and watch the sunset, they also have another restaurant here on the corner where the drinks are very good …” And so on.
In the end, the conclusion was that in Quepos there was nothing more to do than indulge in alcohol. Then we checked, there was nothing to do.
This is one of the things that we never forget. Even years later some kind of conversation always arises: “How will Rocío be? Surely, she’s having drinks in a bar”, or “In Costa Rica it’s six in the afternoon, surely Rocío is already drunk”.
- Having a shower that does not flood is a luxury
In Istanbul we made the mistake of reserving the apartment for the whole month instead of reserving a few days and visit other apartments.
At first, we fell in love with the host’s hospitality, but little by little we hated the flat and at the end of the month, we were desperate to get out of there.
One of the most serious problems is that the shower drain was clogged, and it turned like a swimming pool every time you took a shower.
The funny thing is that after there we were happy that a shower worked normally, and it felt like a luxury. In fact, the Cappadocia hotel was crap, but we were like “well, at least the shower doesn’t flood.”
- In Bahía Drake we invented the fan dryer
As you could read in a previous post, the accommodations in Costa Rica were authentic disgusting shacks.
A very persistent problem was the humidity, especially because of how bad the constructions were.
The hotel of Bahía Drake was the worst, and we had all the wet things without knowing what to do to make them dry because to top it off, it rained for most of our stay.
One afternoon we grabbed and hung things from the ceiling fan and then we managed to dry things. You cannot imagine the laughter.
- The “toothless” of Bahía Drake
At the same hotel, a chubby man with only two teeth came to pick us up. The funny thing was that he laughed a lot and “spoke more than a borrowed radio”. He had no complex with his teeth.
The whole stay in Drake Bay was a continuous talk about the guy’s two teeth, calling him names.
- Stay in a cave so you can experience dirt falling from the ceiling.
In Cappadocia it is typical to stay in the “Cave hotels” which are hotels decorated like the typical caves that you find throughout the geography of that region. Some are put in original caves and others are made of cement.
Ours belonged to the second type. Upon entering the room, the first thing I noticed was that I was breathing dirt and dust. Then I realized that dirt was falling from the ceiling everywhere. It didn’t matter that they cleaned every day, the surfaces were always covered in sand.
- Good luck hotel and its owner with dirty nails
This was our second accommodation in Costa Rica. What was most striking is that the owner was an Italian hippie with all brown teeth, dirty hair, and long grimy nails.
It was the same filthy Italian who prepared your breakfast, and the man didn’t wear gloves.
- The German fugitive from justice
In Tortuguero our hotel offered a free transfer that in reality was a guy from an agency waiting for you at the dock and walking you to your hotel. The person would tell you about the tours they had and you could book them.
A scrawny, dirty German was waiting for us, with grimy nails and rotten teeth. He accompanied us to the hotel and spent an hour explaining the tours and prices to Diego. There was no way he would shut up.
When he finally left, I asked Diego which tour we were going to book and he exploded saying that he didn’t like this guy at all and that he was probably in Costa Rica fleeing from the justice of his country and that he surely had killed someone in Germany.
For Diego to decide and be forceful in some of what he says is very rare; so, we followed his instincts and book with another agency and much cheaper.
- A tour guide who does not want to prostitute
In Tortuguero to do the tour of the Turtles we asked a lot of agencies to see who gave us the best price.
There was one that we liked very much as he explained, and we haggled again to see if he adjusted the price. There the guy was offended and told us that for him lowering the price was like prostituting himself and that he was not a prostitute.
We were in shock, and left.
- Staying next to a brothel in Berlin
We went to Berlin in September because Diego was going to do the marathon and so we took the opportunity to get to know the city.
We looked for a very cheap hotel and when we arrived, we realized that it was next to a brothel; Therefore, every night we saw prostitutes around the hotel. Furthermore, on the same street there were always prostitutes and at the exit of the brothel we saw several times how they beat a drunkard out.
The hotel also stood out for its macabre and dark corridors that every time we went to the room, I felt that the a murderer was coming from behind me.
- The hotel of the cursed dolls
Another unforgettable experience.
The first time we went to Mexico it was low season and we realized that it was not necessary to book and that it was cheaper without a reservation because with booking.com they charged you extra taxes.
Thus, we arrived at San Cristóbal de Las Casas and began to visit some hotels that we had already preselected. There were many who stood out for dirt, but the winner was the hotel of the cursed dolls.
We arrived and at the entrance there was a kind of altar with old and broken dolls and with a lot of candles. The Day of the Dead celebration was just approaching, so imagine that terrifying spectacle.
As we had already entered, we continued to see the rooms and that was the typical hotel from horror movies where people get killed. Really, identical.
We thanked them for the tour and left because we had the feeling that we were not going to survive the first night there.
- Santa Teresa and her drug addicted Argentine hippies
Santa Teresa was a nice place, but shabby. With so much tourism and they couldn’t even pave the main street.
What was most striking is that it was full of Argentines, but not beautiful Argentines like Rodrigo Guirao, but filthy, dirty Argentines and pot people.
There were few places in Santa Teresa that didn’t smell like Marijuana.
In fact, one of the owners of our hotel was always drugged with those red eyes as if they were going to explode.
I, who adore Argentines, hated them in Santa Teresa.
- The French guy who does not know his own address.
We rented an Airbnb in Eaux-bonnes which seemed too cheap to be true. It was.
It had self-check-in and the day we arrived we realized that the address was wrong, and I was talking to the guy on the phone telling him where we were and asking him to tell me where to go.
The guy didn’t understand, and I thought it was because of my French, but no, it was because the guy didn’t know the address of his accommodation.
The apartment left a lot to be desired, but what we will never forget is that we had never encountered a host who did not know the address of his apartment.
- Motorcycle sandwich in Ho Chi Minh
When we got to the hotel in Ho Chi Minh we asked the guy at the reception how to go to the bank to withdraw money.
He explained to us and at the end he told us “Come on, I’ll take you on my motorcycle.” I took the cell phone to record, but the guy told me to put it away because they could steal it from me.
Diego got behind the guy and I was in third, so I was left with my legs dangling and Diego trying to grab them all the way so they wouldn’t dangle. I swear to you, I thought I was going to fly off the bike.
When we got to the bank, we were laughing because we couldn’t believe that on our first day in Vietnam, we had already made a sandwich on a motorcycle with a local.
- The one who wanted to sell us dresses
When we got to the hotel in Hoi An I made the mistake of looking at some clothing catalogs. The result was that the girl at the reception began to tell me that they could do whatever I wanted in 24 hours.
After we had tea and closed the catalog, the girl still wanted to sell me dresses and suits. It took a lot to get up and go to our room.
- The guide who only talked about breasts and penises
From Hoi An we took a tour to see the ruins of My Son.
The guide at the beginning was very good and spoke perfectly in English, but as soon as we started touring the ruins, things got strange. When looking at the temple designs, everything had many shapes of penises and breasts; this seemed to be the favorite part of the guide who from then on only spoke of erect penises and beautiful young and firm breasts.
- The driver who got lost in the jungle
In Mérida we hired a tour that consisted of a bus that made the stops on the Puuc Route.
We passed by Uxmal and the driver continued to get on a road where you could tell that no one had passed for years because the bus was taking blows from the branches of the trees. In addition, the driver stopped to ask for directions to some guys in the middle of nowhere.
The man was checking every so often a sheet that he had with the list of temples that we were going to visit to see if, through the Lord’s work, he got where he had to go.
Imagine the situation there in the middle of nowhere, listening to the beating of the branches, seeing only green and with the “rancheras” at full volume. I would turn around and died laughing with the rest of the passengers because we were all thinking the same thing: “What the hell is this man doing?”
In the end, a woman took the initiative, stood in the front of the bus and told the driver what to do. She told him “That because of him we had already been lost for an hour and that now we were going to start with Uxmal, even if it was the last thing on his list”.
Thus, the driver remained silent, and the woman saved the tour for all of us.
- The worst singer / guitarist in life
On our first night in Palenque, we went to have dinner at a restaurant next to the main square. Just that night there was a typical dance show and the general atmosphere in the square was very nice.
We grabbed a table from where I could watch the show, but just when the drinks were brought to us, a hippie gringo arrived with his guitar and started singing right in the middle so that I could no longer see or hear the show.
The worst thing is that he sang fatally. Besides, it’s not that he sang for a while and left; no, he ruined my whole dinner. Then the rest of the trip we would make fun of the guy who only sang “Otherside” by Red Hot Chili Peppers.
The funny thing is that we found him on the main street of San Cristóbal de la Casas singing the same song and dressed as a sailor. You cannot imagine the laughter. Luckily, we didn’t see him anymore.